A Stupid Secretary
Heard about the secretary that got fired last week?
Apparently, she filed all documents under 'D'
Funny Church Bulletins
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church.
Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an Ice Cream Social.
All ladies giving milk please come early.
Wednesday, the Ladies Literary Society will meet.
Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the Altar.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water".
One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet.
All those wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in school days.
This week's saints include a French woman (Teresa, the Little Flower), a Swedish woman (Bridget), an Italian man (Francis of Assisi), a German man (Bruno), a Jewess from the Holy Land (Mary, God's Mother). They include single people and married people. Bridget was a wife and mother. Mary was a virgin and virgin mother. If they could do it, so can we.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.
Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers will please meet with the minister in the study.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
Today - Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 1 p.m.-8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, "The Lord Knows Why."
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: "GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better."
Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David A. Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale, It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermons this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermontonight: "Searching for Jesus."
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
SOURCE: http://www.religioustolerance.org/ch_bull.htm
Children will be baptized at both ends.
Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an Ice Cream Social.
All ladies giving milk please come early.
Wednesday, the Ladies Literary Society will meet.
Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the Altar.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water".
One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet.
All those wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in school days.
This week's saints include a French woman (Teresa, the Little Flower), a Swedish woman (Bridget), an Italian man (Francis of Assisi), a German man (Bruno), a Jewess from the Holy Land (Mary, God's Mother). They include single people and married people. Bridget was a wife and mother. Mary was a virgin and virgin mother. If they could do it, so can we.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.
Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers will please meet with the minister in the study.
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
Today - Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 1 p.m.-8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, "The Lord Knows Why."
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: "GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better."
Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David A. Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale, It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermons this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermontonight: "Searching for Jesus."
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
SOURCE: http://www.religioustolerance.org/ch_bull.htm
Dumb Blond Lawyer
A woman walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I hurt all over."
The doctor says, "That's impossible!"
She explains, "When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts.
When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts.
When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts.
When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts."
The doctor just shakes his head and asks, "You are a lawyer, aren't you?"
The woman is shocked but smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How can you tell?"
The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."
The doctor says, "That's impossible!"
She explains, "When I touch my arm, ouch, it hurts.
When I touch my leg, ouch, it hurts.
When I touch my head, ouch, it hurts.
When I touch my chest, ouch, it hurts."
The doctor just shakes his head and asks, "You are a lawyer, aren't you?"
The woman is shocked but smiles and says, "Why, yes I am. How can you tell?"
The doctor replies, "Because your finger is broken."
A Dieter's Prayer
Dear Lord, help me to stick to this diet no matter how much I am tempted to cheat. Grant me the strength to refuse second helpings, the patience to count calories, and the courage to step on the scales. May the refrigerator contain nothing fattening in the middle of the night when my will is weak and my hunger strong. And lead me not into the temptation of chocolate. Bless me with good health and a healthy outlook to take this diet one step at a time. I ask Your help in all these things so that I can become the person I know You meant me to be. Amen!
Jill Wolf
Personally i dun believe in dieting - where you restrict your food and count calories. I think wat's important is that we make wise food choices and exercise regualarly.
Jill Wolf
Personally i dun believe in dieting - where you restrict your food and count calories. I think wat's important is that we make wise food choices and exercise regualarly.
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